Random Thoughts....
So I had a conversation with a long time friend a while back and some of the things we spoke about really resonated with me and I wanted to share. I haven't seen this friend is years! In fact, I couldn't even tell you the last time I saw him....but I've know him for over 20 years and some of the things were spoke about are worth sharing.
This post is not pinup related or Vegas related - it's just me using my medium to get out some thoughts and feelings that might help someone....even if it reaches one person, I am happy :)
As you may or may not know, I used to perform with a drum and bugle corps when I was younger. I was in colorguard. For months I would tour the country with said corps (in a bus, no less) to rehearse by day and perform by night. We used to get up, eat breakfast....then rehearse. Then we'd eat lunch...and rehearse some more. Some days we'd have dinner and keep on rehearsing...other days we'd eat dinner and then pack up and go to whatever stadium in anywhere USA to compete. We were machines. I remember before I joined, I used to believe that the shows I watched were being performed by robots. I witnessed perfection....or pretty damn close.
When I joined, I felt like I was apart of the elite....and I was. I paid to travel on a bus for hours and hours, sleep on gym floors and be yelled at when I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. To some, that might sound awful. To me....it was fantastic! Not only was I paying to experience all of the above, but I also experienced performance highs, adrenaline, speeches that moved me to tears AND I got to make amazing life long friends.
The above video was what I could find on YouTube from my rookie year (1997) - technology isn't what it is today...but you get the idea.
If you watch the video....even just 30 seconds of it, you'll see each and every person on that field has a job. We each had to do that job to make one big show. If just one thing is off - everything could go down the drain. When I say down the drain, yeah...the show would suffer and our placement for the competition would no doubt be less than ideal. But what I really mean is that people could get hurt. There were many close calls and even injuries....I'm talkin' broken bones, cuts, scrapes and a whole lotta bruises.
You see the gals with the sabers in their hands? Yeah, they aren't real but they friggin' hurt! There are big six-foot poles out there with a yard of material on them...also dangerous. The drummers have heavy equipment, horn members' equipment vary in size, but some get quite massive too! Then each of us have to be in a certain place...at a certain time. So yeah, we were yelled at when we weren't doing what we were supposed to be doing. Perfection was being demanded.
You are probably asking yourself...where is this all going?
I spent about 4 hours talking with my friend....easy to do when you haven't seen each other in years. He asked about life and without me saying a word....he knew I was "meh". I wish I could repeat everything word for word because we had meaningful and deep conversation. He has the same background as I do, just with a different group and he reminded me of our younger years. And the one thing that has stuck with me that I think about daily "WHEN DID YOU STOP DEMANDING PERFECTION FROM YOURSELF?"
Simple....but damn it if he didn't hit the nail on the head. My world has been a little of kilter lately. Family, friends, work...life.....just meh. It is so easy to point the finger and put the blame on someone or something else. But all you can do is YOU. Only YOU can take the steps to fix what YOU can....not what someone else can (or can't for that matter). I thought I was already taking steps to find "me" again....but ultimately, this conversation really boosted me to where I wanted / needed to be. I was going on auto-pilot and just trying to fix things with band-aids. I stopped demanding perfection from myself. I got comfortable with things that I wasn't comfortable with.
Soul searching is hard....plain and simple. You don't want to admit that anything is wrong. Sometimes it's hard to find the truth within yourself. I've been fortunate to start the process of understanding what I want, what I need to do and why I got to a "meh" point in the first place. I see a road less traveled and I took the first step.....that's all it takes, just one step. I'm not happy with how things have gone in my life the last few months...or that I agree with it. BUT something needed to happen for me to snap out of whatever that funk was. I say "was" because I've taken the initiative to move forward and that needs to stay in the past. It's not gone and it likes to creep up on me at the most inopportune times - but I am able to identify it, acknowledge it and keep on working on it. Strange how the confidence, strength an courage you once had seems to come back right when you need it.
The "memories" feature on Facebook have been extremely eye-opening lately. I would say about 85% of the things I decided to share on Facebook were negative. When did I turn into such a negative person? I didn't even know it was happening - but there it is...staring at me.
I have been fortunate and I am forever grateful to have FANTASTIC, STRONG and SUPPORTIVE friends and family in my life. I have friends who listen to me vent and a man in my life who has reminded me that I shouldn't settle for less than what I am worth when it comes to work.
I follow some pretty kick-ass women on Instagram and a lot of those women share their struggles and inspire other women. I'm sure they open up in hopes to just reach one person - and they did...me. So here I am, paying it forward. I may not know much - but what I have discovered, I wanted to share in hopes to reach at least one person. Remember you aren't alone and can always reach out!
This post is not pinup related or Vegas related - it's just me using my medium to get out some thoughts and feelings that might help someone....even if it reaches one person, I am happy :)
As you may or may not know, I used to perform with a drum and bugle corps when I was younger. I was in colorguard. For months I would tour the country with said corps (in a bus, no less) to rehearse by day and perform by night. We used to get up, eat breakfast....then rehearse. Then we'd eat lunch...and rehearse some more. Some days we'd have dinner and keep on rehearsing...other days we'd eat dinner and then pack up and go to whatever stadium in anywhere USA to compete. We were machines. I remember before I joined, I used to believe that the shows I watched were being performed by robots. I witnessed perfection....or pretty damn close.
When I joined, I felt like I was apart of the elite....and I was. I paid to travel on a bus for hours and hours, sleep on gym floors and be yelled at when I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. To some, that might sound awful. To me....it was fantastic! Not only was I paying to experience all of the above, but I also experienced performance highs, adrenaline, speeches that moved me to tears AND I got to make amazing life long friends.
The above video was what I could find on YouTube from my rookie year (1997) - technology isn't what it is today...but you get the idea.
If you watch the video....even just 30 seconds of it, you'll see each and every person on that field has a job. We each had to do that job to make one big show. If just one thing is off - everything could go down the drain. When I say down the drain, yeah...the show would suffer and our placement for the competition would no doubt be less than ideal. But what I really mean is that people could get hurt. There were many close calls and even injuries....I'm talkin' broken bones, cuts, scrapes and a whole lotta bruises.
You see the gals with the sabers in their hands? Yeah, they aren't real but they friggin' hurt! There are big six-foot poles out there with a yard of material on them...also dangerous. The drummers have heavy equipment, horn members' equipment vary in size, but some get quite massive too! Then each of us have to be in a certain place...at a certain time. So yeah, we were yelled at when we weren't doing what we were supposed to be doing. Perfection was being demanded.
You are probably asking yourself...where is this all going?
I spent about 4 hours talking with my friend....easy to do when you haven't seen each other in years. He asked about life and without me saying a word....he knew I was "meh". I wish I could repeat everything word for word because we had meaningful and deep conversation. He has the same background as I do, just with a different group and he reminded me of our younger years. And the one thing that has stuck with me that I think about daily "WHEN DID YOU STOP DEMANDING PERFECTION FROM YOURSELF?"
Simple....but damn it if he didn't hit the nail on the head. My world has been a little of kilter lately. Family, friends, work...life.....just meh. It is so easy to point the finger and put the blame on someone or something else. But all you can do is YOU. Only YOU can take the steps to fix what YOU can....not what someone else can (or can't for that matter). I thought I was already taking steps to find "me" again....but ultimately, this conversation really boosted me to where I wanted / needed to be. I was going on auto-pilot and just trying to fix things with band-aids. I stopped demanding perfection from myself. I got comfortable with things that I wasn't comfortable with.
Soul searching is hard....plain and simple. You don't want to admit that anything is wrong. Sometimes it's hard to find the truth within yourself. I've been fortunate to start the process of understanding what I want, what I need to do and why I got to a "meh" point in the first place. I see a road less traveled and I took the first step.....that's all it takes, just one step. I'm not happy with how things have gone in my life the last few months...or that I agree with it. BUT something needed to happen for me to snap out of whatever that funk was. I say "was" because I've taken the initiative to move forward and that needs to stay in the past. It's not gone and it likes to creep up on me at the most inopportune times - but I am able to identify it, acknowledge it and keep on working on it. Strange how the confidence, strength an courage you once had seems to come back right when you need it.
The "memories" feature on Facebook have been extremely eye-opening lately. I would say about 85% of the things I decided to share on Facebook were negative. When did I turn into such a negative person? I didn't even know it was happening - but there it is...staring at me.
I have been fortunate and I am forever grateful to have FANTASTIC, STRONG and SUPPORTIVE friends and family in my life. I have friends who listen to me vent and a man in my life who has reminded me that I shouldn't settle for less than what I am worth when it comes to work.
I follow some pretty kick-ass women on Instagram and a lot of those women share their struggles and inspire other women. I'm sure they open up in hopes to just reach one person - and they did...me. So here I am, paying it forward. I may not know much - but what I have discovered, I wanted to share in hopes to reach at least one person. Remember you aren't alone and can always reach out!
The world has a funny way of giving you what you need, when you need it....once you ask for it. If you take away anything from this blog....it should be that YOU are awesome. I'll leave you with my new favorite song that I dance around to everyday:
Cheers!
Essentially,
Evie xoxo
P.S. I'm not sure if that particular friend reads my blog, but if you do (you know who you are) I truly appreciate you!
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